Avoid Joining The Self-Deprecator
By: Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD
The Self-Deprecating person uses self-deprecating statements to avoid standing out or to avoid engendering positive recognition. A person, who has high self-esteem make statements that clearly and concisely state their truth. We are all meant to shine; each in our own unique way.
Some people use self-deprecating statements to shrink, so that other people won’t feel insecure around them. Some people self-deprecate so others won’t blame them for being conceited or arrogant or criticize them. Some people put themselves down in the hopes others will build them up. This can be an opportunity for an act of kindness on your part.
True humility is awareness of ones strengths coupled with the awareness that we all have unique gifts. There is a difference between boasting and sharing ones accomplishments with those who will be happy to hear. Strategic self-effacement can be advisable, but not if it is an expression of inferiority feelings.
Stop people from putting themselves down. Every self inflicted put-down statement adds to a person’s lack of belief in him/herself and his/her abilities. Many people who tend to do this need someone else to give them permission to stop doing it.
The following statements are a few examples how you can avoid joining the Self-Deprecator and helping them to stop the put-downs.
• S: "I’m not so smart. But if it were me, I think…"
R: "You are entitled to state your opinion. Your opinion is as valid as anyone else’s. If your idea is good, that in itself is testimony to your smarts."
• S: "I didn’t do a very good job. But I worked hard on this project."
R: "If you did your best—that is what is important. You have a right to tell me that you worked hard on this project without minimizing your performance."
• S: "I never do anything right."
R: "Never is an absolute—there aren’t any absolutes. It is worthwhile to be more objective about what you do well and what you don’t."
• S: "My memory is like a sieve."
R: "Fortunately you remember a vast number of things. Every time you remember something, let it register that your brain has a tremendous storage and retrievable system."
• S: "I’m always putting myself down."
R: "It’s great that you are doing so now. It gives me an opportunity to help you change this pattern/habit.”
Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach, Author, International Speaker, Inspirational Leader empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 5:18 PM
Success, Stress and Happiness
By: Dionna Sanchez
Recently I have come to some conclusions about my life and the changes I want to make in it. I had slowly been heading toward these changes within the past year, but it took some time away from it all to truly get serious about implementing them.
You probably know where my thoughts are headed since I know that most of us moms discuss this subject: being too busy.
We can talk about it, or we can do something about it.
You see, I’ve found that a lot of moms talk about being too busy and feeling overwhelmed but when it comes down to it, they refuse to say “no” or allow themselves to not get things accomplished.
I’m just like you. It is extremely hard for me to not demand so much of myself or remind myself that everything cannot be done all of the time. This mentality cripples us and creates great stress in our lives and in our homes. I started thinking about how my children would remember me as a mom when they grew up. And I thought, “What good is it for me to have everything done; get it all accomplished – but be left a puddle of stress in the process? Is that how I want my children to remember me?” And of course, the answer was a resounding “NO!”
Let me ask you a question that I’ve asked myself before on many occasions. Why is it that we as moms, feel that we must keep our homes perfectly organized and picked up; our children in all the latest groups and activities; involved in every “volunteer request” that comes up; homemade meals; and not forget any gifts, thank-you notes, or social opportunities that come around in the meantime? Plus, have a little something on the side (whether it’s a job/business, or hobby) for ourselves as well? The answer I came up with was very unflattering. I came to the conclusion that we expect all of this out of ourselves because we feel we are perceived as being successful if we do it.
We look at it like if we are sooo busy then hey, everyone must love us and want us to do things and be around us, right?
Do you FEEL successful? I’m willing to bet you don’t. And if you ask your frazzled, stressed-out mom friends… I bet they don’t feel successful either.
I can’t tell you what to do or make your choices for you. For me, I’ve decided to start saying “no” more often; to allow the laundry to sit a little more if need be, and to ease up on my computer work so I have more time to laugh and play with my family. I am working on delegating more tasks (which is a very hard thing for me to do!)
To me, being happy means I am successful. And happiness in our home only comes with less stress and a lighter load.
So if people think I’m boring because I have free time and no social invitations on the horizon… so be it. I plan on being too content, rested, and happy…to care.
Slowing my family’s life down is a goal I’m still working on; but I’m headed in the right direction. How about you?
~ Dionna Sanchez is realigning her priorities from her home in Idaho. Her three kids ages 17, 8, and 6 are the most important things in her life aside from her husband. Learn more about putting your family first at http://www.EmphasisOnMoms.com/newsletter
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 2:26 PM
Decide To Have A Really Great Day!
By: Hilda Carroll
Believe it or not, it is possible to radically alter how you feel without changing your circumstances. When I first (very sceptically!) tried this technique I had such a great day it blew my socks off – and I was generally very miserable at work at the time.
Each morning, before you dive head-first into your day, think very clearly about how you want your day to be, and most importantly how you want to be during the day. For me, I find it particularly effective to write it down. But the most important thing is that you decide how you want your day to go, and then focus on that for at least a few minutes before you get started.
The more energy you can put into these thoughts, the better your day will be, so if you normally spend your journey to work thinking “Ugh, I have to do x and meet y, and I’m tired and stressed" and so one, try going over and over in your mind your new script instead: “Today I’m going to get through my workload productively and effectively. I’m going to be relaxed and confident and will capably deal with every situation whether it is planned or unexpected. I’m going to feel great all day and enjoy what I’m doing and the people I’m interacting with.” Substitute this for whatever you want from your day.
As a former Doubting Thomas my own reaction to this suggestion was “yeah, right!” But then I thought, “Well what have I got to lose?” The results surprised me. Why not have an open mind and give it a try yourself.
Hilda Carroll is a life and business coach who specialises in helping clients to discover the ability of being happy while they are pursuing their goals, the achievement of which then becomes a bonus, rather than the source of their happiness.
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 10:42 AM
Breakthrough System for Living Better, Longer
By Kenneth Little
Living better and longer is what all of us hope for. There is a simple strategy that will provide the action plan to fulfil your hope.
Living better calls on you to change your outlook on life. You have to have an attitude to life change. You see the challenge many of us face is that we have no way of getting out from underneath a mountain of stress.
One comment from a work team member caused me to take a fresh look at my own attitude to life. He said that life was a box of chocolates.
You can view them as either a "threat" or a "treat". In my big boy days - in years past -they were a "threat" as I faced the task of getting serious about my new fit boy image and healthy lifestyle.
Today they are a "treat" because I can enjoy one without feeling the remorse of facing a box stuffed with empty wrappers. And wondering how I had so quickly consumed the lot. The worst feeling was the sudden loss of self-esteem because of my weakness.
You can learn a lot from looking at the difference between the "threat" and the "treat". It's just one letter "h" which for me stands for "how" you view them.
Every negative event in life that threatens your self-esteem should be viewed like a box of chocolates.
You can give yourself a pat on the back as you realize you can forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made. Then learn not to be trapped in a life of repeating them once you have your healthy lifestyle.
Your Breakthrough System for Living Better - Longer will serve you well as long as you live each day as a new experience where you feel good about yourself in all you do.
Copyright 2006 Kenneth Little
Kenneth Little is a writer, teacher, public speaker and the publisher of a re-released classic - in a revealing ebook- that will show you how to get the best of health and wealth out of all your future years. Find more on this at: http://www.Young-at-Sixty.com
True success will be yours no matter what your age. Amazing "How I Became Young at Sixty" brings renewed strength to your body, hope to your mind and increased prosperity to your lifestyle. You Can Get your Free ebook "How I Became Young at Sixty" by going to: http://www.Young-at-Sixty.com/get-your-f-r-e-e-ebook.htm
Tell your friends about this site! This blog is provided by Denise Michaels. To see more blogs by Denise to go http://GreatIdeasForWomenOver40.com.Denise Michaels is author of the myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners. Go to http://MarketingForHer.com and click on “Get the Book!”
posted by Denise Michaels @ 4:03 PM
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